George Carlin...A Genius Departed

I read with great sadness today that George Carlin, the comic genius behind such characters as Al Sleet the Hippy-Dippy Weatherman and his alter-ego, Filmore, from the movie Cars, passed away yesterday afternoon.

There were lots of things I didn't know about him - he was originally part of a stand-up DUO, he was once a very conservative individual - but I do know this...he forever changed the way that I think about the language I use on a daily basis, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

His take on euphemisms, feminist ideology, politics, and the idiocy of humanity were also brilliant, as were his observations on everyday life. Among my favorite "Carlin-isms" are:

• On feminist philosophy - "I happen to agree with most of the femist philosophy that I've read. I agree, for instance, that man kind ought to be human kind. And that chairman ought to be chairperson. But they take it too far. They take themselves too seriously. They want me to call that cover in the street a person-hole cover. I think that's taking it a little too far!"
• On bad breath - "Anyone can have bad breath, Marge, but you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon!"
• On air travel - "They tell me to get on the airplane. I say 'Fuck You!' I'm getting IN the airplane!"
• On socially awkward situations - "Have you ever been at a party...where you have to yell at the top of your lungs just to be heard by the person standing next to you. But then all of the sudden...everyone else seems to stop talking at the same time...and only YOUR voice can be heard? 'RIGHT! RIGHT! I KNOW...WELL, WHAT I'M GONNA' DO IS, I'M GONNA' HAVE MY TESTICLES LAMINATED!'"
• On things you don't want to hear - "Honey? Remember how we told the children never to play on the railroad tracks?"
• More things you don't want to hear - "I'M PREGNANT, YOU'RE THE FATHER, AND I'M GONNA' KILL ALL THREE OF US!"
• On things you never see - "You never see a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker that says 'Shit Happens.'"

And my personal favorite:

• On things you never see - "I know things you don't see. There are lots of things you don't see. And you don't know you don't see 'em 'cause you don't see 'em. You've gotta' see something first to know you never saw it. Then you see it and say, 'Hey! I never saw that...' Too late...you just saw it!"

Rest in peace, George. You'll be missed!