The Walking Farts

As I mentioned in my first posting to this new blog, my wife, Holly, is currently pregnant with our second son. Folks, if you've never had a pregnant lady around the house I strongly suggest you borrow one for a while...they're chock full of bizarre antics and strange biology.

A fine example of this occurred this morning when we were making the bed. I'm standing there minding my own business when from across the room comes the familiar trumpeting of butt blasters. Tyically this type of morning thunder is reserved for my own rump, so I enjoyed a nice bit of laughter at Holly's expense. What I did NOT expect, however, was for the fun to continue. As she moved into the bathroom to get ready for the day, the rump nuggets appeared to follow her every move. A lovely explosion emanated with every step, giving the very realistic impression that she was stepping on a flock of ducks as she went about her business. While the episode lasted only a few fleeting moments, the memories will surely last a lifetime!

DAMN...That Kid's Funny!

I started this blog as a lighter-hearted counterpart to http://bridawgblog.blogspot.com/, and to keep a record of the funny, cute, and just plain strange things that go on the lives of a "damn near 30"-year-old and his family. Hope you enjoy it.

So my son, Chris, recently turned two, and I thought it would be a good time to start blogging about the hilarious things that he says and does these days. I'll also probably post updates from time to time about my wife's current pregnancy. We're due to have out second (and probably final) son in April, and it's a constant wonder to me how you ladies handle it...but that's another blog.

One of Chris's least favorite things these days is bathing. I'm not sure what exactly happened with that; he used to LOVE bath time when he was littler, but something has really set him off these days. Regardless, since we don't want to have the smelly kid in class we tend to bathe him from time to time. Last night he decided that he would only take a bath if could "take a shower with daddy." If you think this is anything other than cute, you're either NOT a parent or some kind of sicko (see http://dailydoseofdave.net/for a shining example). Anyway, I'm rummaging through the closet looking for a towel when I hear from around the corner, "I peed on the floor!" Not exactly what I was looking forward to hearing, but it's a pretty simple matter to clean up a little munchkin wiz. When I came back around the corner, though, I was confronted with something entirely different. Chris had what can only be described as a "Turd McNugget" sitting behind him on the bath mat. He pointed to it sadly and said, "I dropped that, Daddy." It's amazing to me that, in the two minutes he was out of his diaper and waiting to get into the shower, that he took care of business not once, but TWICE. I swear to God, the kid's got a sensor on him or something that lets him know it's time to pee ONLY when he's naked!

I'm hoping that the random sprinkler action will stop just in time for Matthew's (our second son's) arrival, but that thought is tempered by the knowledge of what' coming with #2. If you've ever had a baby boy in your house you can attest to this...the SECOND air hits a naked newborn boy he WILL pee on you! Your only hope for safety is to go in with a shield. Whether it's a piece of gauze (for the circumcised among us), a paper towel, a shovel or whatever, coverage is absolutely necessary when changing a newborn. Proceed with caution!