I'm Raising a Religious Zealot...and a Political Activist!

"Nothing can separate me from God's love."

That's what Chris said (quite loudly) out of his open window as we were cruising slowly through traffic the other day. WHAT?!? Apparently, his Sunday school class was quite an inspiration for him that morning, and he decided to share his faith with our fellow Atlantans, many of whom had their windows down, as well. I'm not sure exactly what made him decide to go quite so public with his faith in God, but it was pretty flippin' hilarious!

Along those lines...
Holly and I volunteer every other month or so at a financial planning class at our church called ReThink Money. This has been a phenomenal source of both inspiration and fiscal planning for both of us, but that's not the point of this post. The point is this: we were all set to volunteer at one of these classes Monday night, but Chris got sick on the way home from school and had to stay home with Holly while I went alone. While they were home, the two of them got caught up watching pre-election coverage. Chris was particularly interested in Barack Obama, partly because of his admittedly cool-sounding name, but also because he had "dark skin." I'm not sure why this was so ground-breaking for him, especially since his Pre-K class is exceptionally diverse, but there it was...

Chris and Holly discussed the upcoming (now last night's) elections, and how they were truly historic - regardless of the winner. Chris was, of course, fascinated by the whole thing, and was excited to talk about it at school on Tuesday. The Pre-K teachers had planned a mock election on Tuesday, but had the class vote on favorite foods in lieu of the actual candidates. I'm guessing this was meant to deter any kids who'd heard their folks talking politics from spouting off. HA! Apparently, this is impossible in Christopherland! Allow me to digress for a second before I get to the big finish...

During nap time, Chris sometimes asks his teachers to write a bunch of words on paper so that he can copy them. What can I say? The writing apple doesn't fall far from the tree! It's usually just names or random words, but yesterday we got a note from his teacher on his daily report:

"Chris is just too funny! Today he asked Ms. Mary Helen to write, 'I love
Obama, the one with the brown skin!" What the hell?!? Now he's all of the sudden a political activist in addition to being a religious zealot! Who knew? And, just when we thought his political aspirations were limited to the written word, Holly got the following e-mail from Annabeth's mom:

Subject: LMAO (that's "Laughing My Ass Off" for those not
familiar)

So, I go to pick up the girls yesterday, and Randi sees us
walking out. And she stopped and asked me if I had been talking about the
election at home. And I told her a little bit, but not much (unless you
count Will screaming at the TV anytime McCain came on…..). And she said,
"well, I’m not sure if you know Brian and Holly’s political leanings, but
Chris has Annabeth completely convinced that Barack Obama is the person to
vote for! He made a button! And they are so cute!"

And I just laughed and laughed.
So, when I saw Chris, he goes "are you going to vote for Barack Obama? Because my
mom says that he is super cool. And he has dark skin!!!!"
LMAO, but sigh all at the same time. :-)

These truly are amazing times in America, and apparently my son has decided to make it his mission in life to let people know who/what they should believe in/vote for. We're going to have to have a little talk with him about that...we're not exactly street preachers in our house. Still, I'm pretty proud to know that he's not afraid to voice his opinion. Think he gets that from his mom!

Rock the Vote!

No matter who you choose to vote for, or on which side your political allegiances lie: get out and vote today! This is our country, and it's the greatest in the world. The freedom to choose our leaders has been guaranteed to us through the blood, sweat, and tears of generations before us, and it's our absolute responsibility to be part of history. Make your voice heard!

* Images Below Intentionally Placed Left and Right of Center

BOO...Halloween '08!

Halloween has officially come and gone, but it left us with a great set of photos to share with everyone. This year, we had the good fortune to go trick-or-treating with the folks from our church growth group, and we had an absolute blast! The kids loved every minute of it, and Chris was a wild man! He and one of the other little monkeys from our group led the charge from house to house, seemingly impervious to the cold that had set in by dark. Matthew was a little shy at first, but gradually warmed up to the idea of taking candy from strangers (funny how we always tell them NOT to do this!).

By the end of the night, we were completely exhausted and more or less buzzing from the sugar high. All in all, it was a great night for everyone. Enjoy the video!

Aunt Katie's Wedding!

OK, this event actually took place on September 6th, but I'm a procrastinator. I delay...it's what I do.

Anywho...if you've known us for any length of time, you're already familiar with the now world-famous Aunt Katie. While she's not actually a relative, she IS Chris's girlfriend's aunt, so she's family by default. Chris has long been obsessed with Annabeth's Aunt Katie, and has attributed many events to her influence in his life. The list of accolades attributable to Aunt Katie includes, but is not limited to, the boys' destruction of our toy room many months ago. When I asked Chris why he and Matthew had torn the room apart and essentially trashed it, he told me that Aunt Katie had made him mad, and that he was getting back at her for it. Such is the wisdom of a four-year-old...

So...the venerable Aunt Katie got married back in September, and she had the bravery (some may call it balls!) to invite the kids along to enjoy the festivities. Not only was this the boys' first occasion to wear ties, it became the social event of the fall for them. Let me say, for the record, that both Chris and Matthew were absolute angels throughout the reception and ceremony, and that they are both dance MACHINES!

The video shows off just how cute they (and their respective girlfriends) were that night. If you had the good fortune to attend Holly's and my wedding, you may recognize the music as " 'Til I Die" by Dayroom. This classic wedding song has become a staple at weddings among our UGA friends. Though not widely known, I hope it gets some added exposure here. Enjoy!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

A few weeks ago I added a post about Chris taking Karate, and indicated that there is simply nothing cuter than 4-to-six-year-olds kicking and punching their way through a Karate class. I was wrong...

As it turns out, the cutest thing I've seen to-date is kids of the same age playing baseball! Chris joined a T-ball team this fall, and last night was his first game. They actually had two weeks of pre-season so they could learn the fundamentals (like which base they're supposed to run to!), and now we're into the real season. The season will last six weeks (give or take), and he'll have two games each week.

Chris's team, the Braves, will take on teams like the Diamondbacks, Midshipmen, and Aztecs. They sound pretty ferocious until you realize that they can just barely keep their batting helmets on!

The most hysterical thing is that this baseball is NOT tee-ball...it's coach-pitch! The coach throws three pitches to the kids who, if they don't make contact, then have the option to hit off of a tee. What shocked me the most was the number of kids who actually hit the ball that was pitched...some of these kids look like Babe Ruth! :-)

Anyway, I've compiled the requisite video footage of the game and posted it below. Enjoy!

I Got (Re) Married in my Flip-Flops!

How cool is this? First of all, Holly and I have been attending Mountain Lake Church for just a shade under two years now. It's one of the new breed of modern churches: rock-and-roll music, casual atmosphere, etc. You can even wear flip-flops if you want...hence the title of this post. The church's tagline (if you want to call it that...they call it their mission statement) is: "Changing The Way People Think About Church." Never have truer words been spoken. Since we started going there, the pastors have proven themselves time and again to be both outstanding communicators and exceptionally well-versed in theology. While I don't always agree with everything they say (some of the church's roots are in the Baptist tradition, and I was raised Lutheran/Presbyterian), I've nonetheless found them to be wonderfully encouraging, deeply insightful, and incredibly timely. All of that leads me to this...

As part of the church's recent series, "The Marriage Project," we had an opportunity to review our wedding vows as part of a group ceremony that served as the culmination of the message series. I originally thought that perhaps it would be a bit awkward to stand at the front of the church with 40-50 other couples, but it turned out to be an amazingly intimate moment for everyone. It was really quite inspirational, and served as a great reminder of how much Holly and I love one another. It was also a nice kick in the pants to remind us to show that love on a daily basis. Since no one who reads this blog was there for the actual event, I thought I'd share a copy of the vows from the service:

"Before God and all these witnesses; I’m renewing my commitment to love you; I promise to believe in you; I promise to leave everything and cleave only to you; I promise to love you. And I promise to submit to you. I promise to cherish you as God’s gift to me. I promise to respect you; and accept our differences. I promise to forgive you. I promise to pray for you and encourage you. I promise to grow in loving God with you. I love you with all of my heart and I always will; whether rich or poor; in sickness and health; as long as we both shall live."

It was truly an amazing and memorable day, and I'm thankful every minute for the incredible gifts that are my wife and family. I love you all!

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting!

Ever since he was a Power Ranger for Halloween last year, Chris has wanted to chop, kick, and punch his way through any and all bad guys. So what did we do? We enrolled him in karate classes, of course!

He's been in class for the past several weeks (there were a couple of local elections thrown in that screwed up the schedule), and I can't believe how well-disciplined he is. My folks are always telling me how strange it is that my sisters are completely bonkers at home, yet their teachers swear they're the best-behaved, most well-mannered kids they've ever met...I'm starting to understand it now. Apparently, kids only want to impress adults OTHER than their parents, a fact made all-too-clear during the past few weeks of class. That aside, here's my main point: if you've ever wondered exactly what is the definition of hysterical, look no further than a group of four- to six-year-olds taking karate!

These kids are running around like crazy, chopping, jumping, and punching at anything that moves. Until, that is, Sensei Charles rolls in. Sensei Charles is a bad-ass! The guy's got a black belt and an attitude that would make Chuck Norris wet himself (with apologies to Chuck, just in case he's reading this...). From the first minute he walked into class, it was evident...there would be ZERO screwing around in this class. His first rule is that you always answer with "Yes Sir!" or "No Sir!" I love that! The only other rule is that if he catches you screwing around, you've got to sit on your knees with your feet under your butt for five minutes. Doesn't sound like too much trouble...until you've tried it! This move is uncomfortable on carpet, so I can only imagine what it would be like on the hard linoleum floor they work out on. OUCH!

Anway, to make a long story short...Sensei Charles whipped these little monkeys into shape a ridiculous pace, and I'm duly impressed. I also have the feeling that Chris will be taking karate for quite a while now, and that I'm officially the Dad of Christopher-san!

What's that? You'd like pictures and maybe a video? Can do! Here you go...

Want to See What's Under My Skirt?

No, this isn't some kind of sick come on, nor is it a cross-dressing site (bet THAT'LL get the search engines linking to my blog...hmmm...). It's just a damned funny story about Chris's girlfriend, Annabeth.

As I've mentioned, last week was the kids' first week of Pre-K. Part of that first week was a refresher course on colors, how they work, what happens when you mix them, etc. A key part of the week was that everyone was supposed to dress in a particular color each day. Wednesday was Orange day.

Now...if you know ANYTHING about me at all, you know what a major feat it is to locate an item of orange clothing in my house (GO DAWGS!). Such is NOT the case at Annabeth's house...her folks are Clemson fans, and for some reason seem to think that orange is a particularly lovely color, especially when mixed with purple (WTF?!?).

So...I've told you all of that to tell you this:

We go to pick the boys up from school, and all of the kids are out on the playground. Before I've even seen Chris, Annabeth comes running up to me and yells, "Mr. Brian! Mr. Brian! Want to see what's under my skirt?!?" HOLY CRAP! How do you answer this question without falling down laughing? I did my best, and said something to the effect that it's not really cool to show other people what's under your skirt. Meanwhile, the teacher is in absolute hysterics laughing her butt off!

Thankfully, Annabeth's mom showed up about two seconds later. After relating the story to her, you can probably imagine my relief when she informed me that what was under Annabeth's skirt was in fact...SHORTS! Apparently, one of the other little girls in class had been running around showing off her panties when she was wearing skirts, and Annabeth thought it would be best if she kept that kind of thing to herself by providing a little extra coverage. Too funny!

Thanks for the laughs, Annabeth!

Jump Around!

Last weekend was Chris's friend Alex's 5th birthday, and we joined Alex and friends over at one of those cool jumpy places. Actually, it ended up being at the same place where we had Chris's 4th birthday party, which worked out great since the camera we had at that event didn't do a very good job with indoor photography.

This time around, I'm happy to say that we got some great pictures. More importantly, though, we got some awesome VIDEO! Enjoy!

Pre-K...Let's Get It Started!

It's official...Christopher is now a member of First Academy's Georgia Pre-K Class of 2009! :-) We woke up extra early this morning, had a little breakfast, and sauntered off to school. What a site! There were parents EVERYWHERE, and the kids were absolutely chomping at the bit to get in to their class (bet that's the last time THAT happens!). Completely cute!

Here's a little video memento of the occasion...enjoy!

Ring of Fire!

Alright...I'm REALLY not sure how this came to pass, but the boys are absolutely OBSESSED with Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire. I played it a couple of times in the car one day, and the next thing I know, they're asking for it by name on a daily basis!

It's strange enough that my 4 1/2-year-old and 2-year-old are making musical requests in the car other than The Wiggles or Sandra Boynton, but to have it be The Man in Black? Crazy! Think that's all the craziness I could cram into one posting? WRONG!

As it turns out, the boys have now mastered the art of Karaoke, too! Check out their rockin' Ring of Fire music video:

Pajama Time!

Today is sort of a bittersweet day at our house: it's Chris's last day of preschool before starting Pre-K!

Granted, he'll be attending Pre-K at the same school, so the geography doesn't change, but the fact of the matter is that he's now officially a big kid! We've been going around and around trying to figure out how he got so big so quickly. Add to this the fact that my oldest sister is about to go off to college (I'm 13 years older than she is), and you've got a perfect recipe for feeling seriously old!

All that being said, though, I really should get to the point of my post for today: my kids are too damned cute! Their classes had end-of-summer parties today, and the kids were encouraged to dress in their jammies for a "Pajama Day." The boys were, of course, completely adorable, and I feel compelled to share pictures.

Enjoy!

George Carlin...A Genius Departed

I read with great sadness today that George Carlin, the comic genius behind such characters as Al Sleet the Hippy-Dippy Weatherman and his alter-ego, Filmore, from the movie Cars, passed away yesterday afternoon.

There were lots of things I didn't know about him - he was originally part of a stand-up DUO, he was once a very conservative individual - but I do know this...he forever changed the way that I think about the language I use on a daily basis, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

His take on euphemisms, feminist ideology, politics, and the idiocy of humanity were also brilliant, as were his observations on everyday life. Among my favorite "Carlin-isms" are:

• On feminist philosophy - "I happen to agree with most of the femist philosophy that I've read. I agree, for instance, that man kind ought to be human kind. And that chairman ought to be chairperson. But they take it too far. They take themselves too seriously. They want me to call that cover in the street a person-hole cover. I think that's taking it a little too far!"
• On bad breath - "Anyone can have bad breath, Marge, but you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon!"
• On air travel - "They tell me to get on the airplane. I say 'Fuck You!' I'm getting IN the airplane!"
• On socially awkward situations - "Have you ever been at a party...where you have to yell at the top of your lungs just to be heard by the person standing next to you. But then all of the sudden...everyone else seems to stop talking at the same time...and only YOUR voice can be heard? 'RIGHT! RIGHT! I KNOW...WELL, WHAT I'M GONNA' DO IS, I'M GONNA' HAVE MY TESTICLES LAMINATED!'"
• On things you don't want to hear - "Honey? Remember how we told the children never to play on the railroad tracks?"
• More things you don't want to hear - "I'M PREGNANT, YOU'RE THE FATHER, AND I'M GONNA' KILL ALL THREE OF US!"
• On things you never see - "You never see a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker that says 'Shit Happens.'"

And my personal favorite:

• On things you never see - "I know things you don't see. There are lots of things you don't see. And you don't know you don't see 'em 'cause you don't see 'em. You've gotta' see something first to know you never saw it. Then you see it and say, 'Hey! I never saw that...' Too late...you just saw it!"

Rest in peace, George. You'll be missed!

Merging of the Blogs!

So I've officially decided that having/maintaining (or NOT maintaining, as the case appears to be) two blogs is a royal pain in the rump.

Call me lazy. Call me shiftless. Call me a slacker...whatever. Following in the heroic footsteps of mega corporations everyone, I'm merging my rantings from BriDawgBlog with the good-natured slapstick comedy of my children here at Damn That Kid's Funny.

"What new features can we expect to see?" you ask? None, really. It's just that I sometimes have a hard time determining where to put particular posts, and I'm getting bored with it. That being said, welcome to the new, beefier, decidedly-unimproved Damn That Kid's Funny!

I hope you enjoy my rantings...have a nice day!

The Two-Handed Handshake

Originally posted August 24, 2007...

So what the hell is the deal with the two-handed handshake? I've met two people in the past two days who have greeted me with this decidedly less-than-typical hand embrace, and I'm kind of wigged out by it. It's like they're trying to give my hands a hug or something!

Don't misunderstand, I'm all about greeting someone with a friendly handshake, but it seems a bit presumptuous to assume that my hand needs the extra coddling while we're meeting for the first time.

So the next time you see me running around, please greet me with either a manly high-five or the standard one-handed shake. Thanks...

Even Funnier!

Originally posted August 1, 2007...

Holy crap! I just listened to the recording of Congressman Tancredo's "speech." This has got to be the funniest thing in the history of the world. It's funny enough that he chose a family restaurant with an audience of "more than 30" for his rantings, but the recording offers even more insight into the goings-on.

The recorder is either being held by or is located in close proximity to someone with a whopping case of emphysema. We are reminded of this fact by the perpetual stream of deep-chested coughs emanating from this particular listener throughout the recording. Not only that, but in the background you can clearly hear a waitress discussing menu options with one table, then dropping the check at another.

Seriously, people, this is what makes the internet the greatest tool of our generation!

There Are Simply No Words...

Originally posted August 1, 2007...

So I just finished reading an online article that Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo, apparently a "candidate" for the GOP presidential nomination, has decided that in the event of a Muslim-inspired nuclear attack on the United States he would initiate an immediate counter-attack against key Muslim holy shrines such as Mecca and Medina.

First of all, this little bit of foreign policy is SO stolen from the vice president in the last season of "24," and it was quite the little bit of douchebaggery even in fiction. Second, and perhaps most hysterically, he gave this speech to "nearly 30 people Tuesday morning at the Family Table restaurant." !!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?

Was this actually a PLANNED speech? Who the hell hosts a political rally at what I can only assume is a buffet? I can see it now... "President Bush today hosted a $7.49 a plate fundraiser for Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia. Ringo's Old Town Buffet and Biat Shop played host to the no-tie, wifebeater optional event." Seriously...this guy is a flaming retard.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled porn surfing. Have a nice day!

Death by Pussy...Cat!

Originally posted July 27, 2007...

So I'm sitting there minding my own business at lunch yesterday, and a story comes on CNN about this cat who "predicts" the death of folks confined to the old folks home where he lives. It turns out that this particular cat, Oscar, has a knack for knowing when the old folks are about to kick off. To showcase his talent, he'll sneak into a patient's room and lie down on their bed with them. According to doctors, this usually lets hospital staff know that they have about 4 hours to get that patient's things together, contact the next of kin and fire up the ol' crematorium. Weird, I know, but here's what I'm thinking...

The cat is actually KILLING the people! I know what you're thinking..."It's just a harmless little kitty! What harm could it possibly do?!?" Well, didn't you ever see Stephen King's "Cat's Eye" with the cat whose owners are constantly kicking off due to strange/unique circumstances? (Admittedly, one of those deaths is the result of a wacky little troll guy, but I digress...) How about "Pet Sematary," where Herman Munster helps his new neighbor bury and reincarnate a roadkill gato? And even in more recent times with Shrek II? Puss in Boots is a stone cold killer before Shrek and Donkey go extra-medieval on his ass!

So my final warning here is CAT OWNERS AND OLD FOLKS BEWARE!!! Oscar and his buddies are out there, and they've got a serious case of bloodlust!

Further Proof of My Nerddom...For Shame!

Originally posted April 23, 2007...

I got all PO'd by a letter I received today saying something to the effect of "a myriad of something-or-other." Until recently, this has been a pet-peeve of mine as I'd heard that the word was originally intended to refer to an actual number: 10,000. With this bee in my bonnet, I looked it up on Webster's and found the following: I'm so ashamed!

Holy Crap! I'm a Tree Hugger!

Originally posted March 1, 2007...

Holy crap indeed! Last week I was making my traditional early-morning oatmeal at the office, and one of the tree hugger-types came by and made a comment about my using a stryofoam cup to do it. I shot back a snide remark about probably using another cup later in the day to make my hot chocolate, and it hit me...I'm being an eco-asshole!

Now I realize that these days all of the Hollywood crazies are hyping eco-friendly cars like the (shudder) Prius, and that we're all pretty sick and tired of them preaching to us about protecting the environment, studying Kaballah, etc., since they don't really live in the real world. BUT...I'm starting to think they may have a point when it comes to protecting the environment and limiting the amount of crapola that we put back into the Earth. It hit me today as yet again I made my morning oatmeal in a styrofoam cup. I looked around the office and saw about a zillion other cups of the same type and realized that by next week they'd be rotting in some landfill and taking 300 years to decompose (or whatever they take these days). Now I feel like a douche because I can only imagine how many other cups just like this will be thrown away today alone, not to mention over the next 20 years. God almighty...by the time my kids have kids, they'll be playing "King of the Crap Heap" instead of "King of the Mountain."

I'm not sure how to do anything real about this, but I'm going to stop using these cups today...right after my hot chocolate...and start using real bowls and coffee cups. Wonder if I can convince anyone to join me on my little crusade...??