The Shocker!

Originally posted November 21, 2005...

My wife and I are huge Georgia Bulldog fans. This weekend, we attended the annual "Let's kick Kentucky's ass and laugh at them" game and had a blast. If you're familiar with college football at all, you already know that our quarterback this year is a senior named DJ Shockley. The kid's got talent, and will undoubtedly go far in his professional career. The problem with DJ, though, is his unfortunate surname. Shockley came to prominence just as a new and innovative sexual technique has come (heh heh) to the forefront with those of us whose minds are filthy (http://davidpbrown.net/).

I'm talking about, of course, The Shocker. For the uninitiated, the Shocker is a manuever whereby the male inserts his index and middle fingers into his partner's vagina, while simultaneously inserting his pinkie into her butthole (also known as "Two In The Bush, One In The Tush...thanks Dave!). The "Shocker" portion, of course, is the typical end-result of the maneuver...the young lady's inevitable screech of surprise and subsequent submission. The reason I bring this up is not just to educate, but also to share the following picture. This guy is a GENIUS, and I thank him for sharing with the rest of the world. To you, unknown purveyor of filth and prurient interest, I say "Thank You!" Your contributions to society will not go unnoticed. Have a nice day...

The "Entitlement Generation"

Originally posted August 10, 2005...

The other day I read an article that said people in my generation (early-to-late-twenties) consider themselves to be "entitled" to certain things: jobs, success, prosperity, etc. Apparently this stems from some kind of coddling we received as children, and has led us to believe that we should be handed everything on a silver platter. The issue raised by the article was that many companies and managers don't have the slightest clue how to motivate folks like us, and that the situation is costing millions in turnover, lost productivity and the like.

Here's my philosophy on this: if companies are truly interested in keeping folks happy, they need to realize a few simple truths...

1. People are inherently lazy

Think about it...if you had the choice of spending your entire day doing nothing other than watching TV and scrathching yourself or putting on a shirt and tie, sitting in traffic and then staring at a computer screen all day (which can be essentially like watching TV all day if you do it right)...which would you choose? Until managers learn how to motivate people to overcome this inherent need for Cheetos and nut-scratching, they'll never see a change.

2. People want to make lots and lots of money doing something they enjoy

You'll never hear anyone saying, "You know what I love? I love filling out documents and reports that have no bearing on the future of my company and making peanuts for it." By contrast, you would expect to hear them say, "I love playing this professional sport for a living and getting paid hundreds of millions of dollars for it." Of course, you don't always hear that either, do you? I guess that would be sub-category A...Some people love to bitch about their jobs regardless of the circumstances. It's time to pony up and pay the piper, folks. You simply can't expect people to spend nearly a third of their weekly time on work-related activities and NOT expect to be well-compensated for it. The almighty bottom-line, while certainly important, can NOT be maintained without first maintaining a competent and satisfied work force.

3. People crave positive leadership

When was the last time you heard someone say, "I really wish management would berate me more"? There is a startling trend among managers these days, and it seems to tell them that the way to keep employees going strong is to tell them what they're doing wrong (almost had myself a little rhyme there, but I'll move on...). Instead of focusing on the positive aspects of the business, they would rather prattle on about how everyone should be working harder, doing more with less, etc. Why not take the time to get to know what makes your employees tick, learn about their families and interests, etc.? You'd be AMAZED at the results you can receive from just a little bit of personal touch.

Just sayin'...

The Moo Turns Two II

Here are some great pictures from The Moo's party at CiCi's the other night. Way too cute not to share... :-)

The Moo Turns Two!

First off, a little background...

When Matthew was born, our friends decided that it would be cool to call him "The Matthew." Since it sounded pretty cool, it naturally stuck with us and he has been "The Matthew" ever since. Somewhere along the line, though, Holly started calling him "Moo Moo." Was she simply craving milk at this particular time? One too many of the "Got Milk" ads caught her attention? No one's really sure. Regardless, after a while he gradually became "The Moo." Hence the title of this post...

Anyway, I'm pleased to announce that we made it through two wonderful years with The Moo as of last Sunday. Incredible as it may seem, Holly and I have managed to maintain our sanity in the face of TWO toddlers (see previous posts to learn more about how that sanity has been tested!), and we couldn't be happier!

The boys are both just wonderful, and they play together incredibly well now that The Moo is up and running at full speed. Sunday was kind of a wash for us, birthday-wise, with church and tennis taking up a huge amount of the day. Still, we managed to squeeze in some time for Matthew to get his birthday presents: a toy golf set from Chris, and a new bike from Holly and me!

Matthew's bike is so tiny, it almost looks like one of those toy bikes that they have bears ride on at the circus! He's completely cute on it, though, and tries his best to pedal along behind Chris wherever he goes. The problem is that his feet don't quite reach the pedals. Not to be deterred, though, he manages by kicking along on the ground, Flintstones-style. Mom and Dad bought him a helmet, too, so his little noggin will be nice and safe at all times. :-)

Here's a quick video of the birthday boy on his new toy. Enjoy!

Tagged

So my friend Andrea "tagged" me today via blogger call-out. I'm still relatively new to the blogoshpere, so I'm not completely familiar with the phehomenon, but apparently it goes like this...

• Blogger has idea
• Blogger blogs about idea
• Blogger then "tags" other bloggers to respond on their own blogs by publicly calling them out
• "Tagged" blogger replies on his/her own blog, and the cycle either continues or dies out

It's kind of the Internet equivalent of Yo Mama jokes. Someone says something to the effect of "Your mama is so stupid she stared at a can of orange juice for an hour because it said 'concentrate!'" In response, you're required to fire back a similarly witty one-liner, and things carry on until all verbal assaults have been launched.

Why the lengthy discourse on "tagging?" Why the heck not? Anyway...Andrea called me out after blogging about her 6-Word Philosohpy on Life. The idea here is to summarize your philosohpy on life in...you guessed it!...six words. Mine? "Live Well. Laugh Often. Love Much." Totally stolen, I'll grant you, but perfect nonetheless.

Since I don't much feel up to a continued game of tag, I think I'll leave this one for now. Feel free to comment if you've got a good 6-word philosophy, though. You never know who just might tag you next...

LB...Little Buddy, or Little B@stard?!?

We've called Chris "Little Buddy" pretty much since Day 1. When Matthew joined the fracas, we naturally came to call him "Littlest Buddy" and "Baby Buddy." In the end, though, we typically call Chris "LB" for short, and Matthew has - somehow - become "The Moo." Not sure where the latter nickname came from, but we'll delve into it in another post at a later time. For now, I'm focusing on LB because it fits a clevery-worded title intended to imply that my kids are, in fact, Little B@stards!

Why, you ask, would a seemingly-loving father of two call out his boys like this? It's pretty simple, really...they're destructive forces of nature who, when put together unsupervised (as they often are on weekend mornings when they've arisen at 6 a.m.) create a "perfect storm" of toddlerhood. Illustrate my point, you say? No problem!

Case #1 -
Saturday, February 23
Approximately 8:30 a.m.

After taking the boys downstairs and feeding them their traditional breakfast of microwaveable pancakes (Yes, I'm lazy...but they're delicious!), I left them in the care of the all-powerful babysitter, Sponge Bob. As an aside here, I LOVE Sponge Bob. It's ridiculous, zany, and hilarious for kids AND adults. Back to the matter at hand, though... I fed the boys, turned on Sponge Bob for them, and headed back upstairs for a few extra minutes of sleep. About 20 minutes later, I realized that things had gotten eerily quiet downstairs. If you're a parent, you know this is NEVER a good thing. Two quiet kids equals two kids who are clearly up to no good and don't want Mom and Dad to know about it.

So...pulse appropriately raised and resolve firmly steeled, I headed back downstairs to see what they were up to. From the upstairs landing, I could already see what I was in for. A trail of papers and destruction led from the living room into the hallway towards the toyroom. And was that my WALLET on the floor next to the couch? Sprinting down the steps two at a time, I arrived next to the couch to find that, indeed, my wallet had been emptied and left for dead. Not good... A quick trip into the toyroom confirmed my fears: the boys had completely emptied not only my wallet, but Holly's purse as well! Papers, receipts, various bric-a-brac, credit cards, etc., all thrown to the four winds. Nice. Needless to say, the boys spent some time in their rooms as a result.

Fast forward to:
Case #2 -
Saturday, March 1
Approximately 8:30 a.m.

On the Saturday in question, Holly was kind enough to let me sleep in since I had worked pretty late the prvious night. Based on what she found when she went downstairs to check on the boys that morning, I'm pretty sure she'll never do that again!

Holly headed downstairs at about 8:30, then promptly returned to our bedroom and said, "Can you come down here, please? I need your help with something." CRAP! Not only was I more or less exhausted, but I knew nothing good could come out of the situation based on her tone of voice. How right I was...

When I left the bedroom, I noticed that the boys' bedroom doors were closed, and I could hear the muffled sound of vaguely-irritated children from behind them. That should've been a clue. So we head downstairs, Holly committed to a tight-lipped persona until we got to the toy room. I turned the corner and almost fell down in shock!

Bottles of ear drops, Children's Tylenol, eye drops, even a spray can of sunscreen (!) littered the toyroom floor. Now, before you accuse us of not sufficiently baby-proofing our medicines to keep them out of the hands of little ones, know this...the aforementioned goodies typically reside in a kitchen cabinet that is about 8 feet off the ground!! Apparently Chris had climbed up on the kitchen counters, opened the cabinet, and reached his way up there to grab these things.

SO...here we have a room full of once-full bottles, and a lot of strangely-shaped and colored spots all over the carpet in the toyroom. And did I smell Pina Coladas?!? Not necessarily. Apparently the boys had chosen to spray suntan lotion all over their toy kitchen! A lovely smell, I'll grant you, but not necessarily one that you anticipate when walking into a children's play room. :-)

I asked Holly if she knew what had happened, and she just started cracking up. Apparently, when she came into the room to check on the kids BOTH of them were stark naked, and Chris was dancing a little jig on top of Holly's stepper (which had been pulled from the hall closet)! I guess kids just aren't content to throw a bunch of liquids around their toyroom anymore. Nope...they've just gotta' be naked!

Later on in the day (after they'd spent some serious time in their rooms for almost killing themselves) I asked Chris why he'd done all that. His response? "Matthew wanted me to do it!" I'll let you ruminate on that one for a while. Remember, this is a kid who's not yet two "telling" his brother he wants to do something. I smell just a little bit of BS in the air...how 'bout you?

Case #3 (the final one...I hope!) -
Saturday, March 8
Approximately 8:30 a.m.

Are you noting a trend here? 8:30 is apparently "The Witching Hour" for my little monkeys, and they're not at all ashamed to take on new and greater chances for destruction. At this point, the stories had already reached to my Grandma in Iowa, who called on Friday the 7th to ask what we thought the boys would be doing on the 8th to destroy the house! Low and behold! The answer came at (you guessed it!) about 8:30 the next morning.

Once again, the boys had dined on a fabulous feast of microwaveable goodness, though this time they enjoyed waffles as opposed to pancakes. The other subtle difference on this particular day is that I went upstairs to do (gasp!) laundry instead of going back to bed. I hadn't been gone more than 5 minutes, and yet when I ventured back downstairs to the toyroom I was greeted with THIS:

That's right...every BIT of wrapping paper that could possibly be fit into the closet was now strewn hither and yon across the toy room. The "LBs" had struck again, and this time in a VERY short time frame. They were organized, and they were getting better...it was time to nip this in the bud. In a frenzy, I resorted to the basest human instinct: threats against all toys, books, friends, and fun.

I told Chris that if anything like this EVER happened again, I would take away all of his toys, books, etc., and that he wouldn't be able to go to Annabeth's birthday party the following day. THAT certainly got his attention! He apologized immediately, and helped me clean up the mess. Why, you ask, had I not attempted this before? Believe it or not, we HAD! In the end, it was the Annabeth threat that worked the best. I guess guys are never too young to stop acting stupid when it means they can impress a girl! :-)

As a side note on this particular episode, Chris later told me that he had trashed the toyroom because he was "mad at Aunt Katie." Aunt Katie, you may recall, is actually Annabeth's mom's sister. How she has become Chris's aunt is a bit beyond us, but she's nevertheless become quite the active family member at our house. I never did figure out why he was mad at her, but Lord knows that threats of not getting to hang out with her niece certainly work!

So, are our "LBs" Little Buddies...or Little B@stards? Only time will tell!

Our Little Biker Gang!

This is my first official test of Blogger's new video upload system. I shot this video last night after work, and had a great time watching my little "Biker Buddies" pedaling around the driveway. Holly had tennis practice, and the boys were excited to get their bikes back after being grounded from them for two days (that's another story for another blog...), so it was a perfect time to go out and let them blow off some steam.

Enjoy!

Totally Tubular!

Today marks the fourth (and hopefully final!) Time that one of the boys has had tubes put in his ears...wow!

Matthew received his second set this morning (Chris got his second set shortly after Matthew was born), and has been pretty harious ever since he woke up. Apparently the anesthesia they gave him had a mild narcotic in it, so he's more or less drunk at this point. If you've never seen a drunk baby, I would strongly recommend checking into adenoidectomies for your little ones...it's hysterical!

We met up with my mom for lunch after surgery, an Matthew more or less bobbed an weaved the whole time we were there. His head would roll around a little, then he'd just kind of look at us and smirk. For a little while he even tried to stand up. That was probably the best part due to the inherent staggering. Seriously, he was all over the place!

So Matthew's drunk, and Chris is pretty much living in the lap of luxury. He got to spend the night at Grandma and Papa's house last night since we had to be up so flippin' early, and had a great time. He and my sister baked cupcakes last night, and he made some (I'n told) beautiful artwork this morning for his favorite teacher, Miss Emily. All of this is cool enough, but later today he's getting picked up by Grandma and they're going to the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Cupcakes and popcorn in a 24-hour period? How could life get any better?

Best...Turkey...Ever!

GAINESVILLE, GA, December 25, 2007 - The Johnston Household

Apparently 2007 was the year of holiday dinners at our house. Not only did we host Holly's family for Thanksgiving, but we also decided to invite the Johnston clan for Christmas dinner. For me this meant one thing, and one thing only...I got to COOK! And for me, cooking means TURKEY TIME! A couple of years ago I found an Alton Brown recipe for bay-brined turkey that was (at the time) the best recipe I had ever tasted. Essentially, you soak the turkey in a solution of salt, sugar, water, bay leaves, cloves and lemons for a day, then stuff all of the remaining goodies up the turkey's butt while roasting. The result is a phenomenally moist bird with a hint of several flavors. Ridiculously tasty, it's been a staple of my past couple of birds.

This year, though, it was time to branch out, and I decided to try a Tyler Florence recipe that I got in an e-mail from the Food Network folks. To reiterate the title of this post...BEST...TURKEY...EVER! The key elements to this particular recipe are compound butter, bacon and maple syrup. SERIOUSLY? Damn straight! The compound butter (made with fresh sage) gets inserted just under the skin of the breast, and manages to melt during cooking to season the entire bird. After the butter goes on/in, you get to lay slabs of thick, delicious bacon over the entire turkey. Apparently this helps seal in the juices or something. Once that's taken care of, the turkey goes in the oven and gets basted every half-hour with maple syrup.

Our turkey was about 15 pounds and took just over three hours to cook. Not only was it gorgeous, the bacon was the most insanely delicious thing I've ever had! While we were letting the turkey rest for the requisite 20 minutes, everyone just stood around pulling bacon off of the bird. I honestly think that it would be worth buying a bigger bird just to get more of the bacon. And while the turkey beneath it all was outstanding, I would almost have forgone the bird entirely and eaten just the bacon.

Thanks to Tyler Florence for making me look like a gourmet for a day. Also, a great big thanks to the folks at Kraft for their incredible magazine-o'-recipes, from which we made two separate types of potatoes and several appetizers. I'm not entirely sure, but I think we also pulled a dessert or two out of there.

Oh...and Christmas was great, too. Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and all of that.

Mmmmmm....bacon!

A Calm Holiday...THANK YOU!!

OK, so admittedly this post is WAY late, but here it is all the same...



Holly's entire family joined us this Thanksgiving for a big celebration at our house. In case you're not intimately familiar with the Sloan Family Circus, it includes her mom and dad, two sisters, one brother-in-law and a brother-in-law-wannabe, two nephews and a niece for a total of ELEVEN people crammed into our house for the holidays. Where this may once have been a recipe for complete disaster as Holly and her sisters seem to enjoy needling one another to the point of eruption, this year it was a surprisingly serene setting. Everyone got along well and played nicely together, and nothing got destroyed by munchkins. All in all...a great week!



A few key highlights:

1. Hit Babyland General for a tour of where Cabbage Patch Kids "come from;"

2. Visited Helen, GA, so the kids could see where they'll all be able to get rip-roarin' drunk during Octoberfest in a couple of decades,

3. Watched a TON of football and slept whenever possible.

Pulling out of the driveway on our way to the Cabbage Patch Kid/Helen adventure, we were treated to a great Chris story. Apparently the parents-in-law were awakened by a very excited Chris that morning, who proeceeded to jump up and down on them until they were fully awake (see Wakeup Call from Hell for a brief description of similar awakenings in our house). After the story had been related to us, I turned to Chris and said, "You really shouldn't jump on MiMi (his name for Holly's mom) and Papa...they're fragile." True to the form of all soon-to-be-four-year-olds, he replied, "They're not fragile. They're OLD!!"

Old or not, they were welcome guests and we had a wonderful time!

Wake-Up Call From Hell!

I'll be the first to admit that I oversleep on a fairly regular basis. This is becoming less and less common, though, now that Matthew has learned how to open his bedroom door. Add to Matthew's escapes the fact that Chris tends to wake up early only on days when all we want to do is sleep in, and you've got quite a recipe for disaster.

That all being said...I was in the process of a lovely oversleep (just made up a new word!) this morning when I heard the telltale thundering of little feet in the hall. As an aside, whoever coined the phrase "the pitter-patter of little feet" was apparently high on something or had EXCELLENT carpet padding! Anway...down the hall comes the aforementioned thunder. Our door is thrown wide open to reveal that Chris and Matthew have, in fact, turned on every conceiveable light in the upstairs portion of our house and that they are very much awake. Bounding through our door and vaulting on to the bed, they were screaming loud enough to wake the dead (and I should know...I was close to dead-asleep!). In a fit of sleep-induced irritability, I managed to angrily shoo them away. Of course, it wouldn't be a true Johnston Boys departure if something didn't get overthrown, broken, or slammed into.

In this case, the "slammed-into" item just happened to be the ol' twig and berries. YOWZA! In case you're curious, a four-year-old's knee bears a striking resemblance to a sledgehammer when it's hitting you square in the nuts at 6:45 in the morning. Thusly roused from my pleasant night's sleep, I've pretty much managed to make it through the day with a dull ache in my stomach to show for the experience.

Guess tonight I'll have to sleep with a cup!

A (Somewhat Minor) Tragedy

So about two months ago, Holly came home from Wal-Mart with two betta fish for the boys. In case you're not familiar with these guys, they're the infamous "fighting fish" who flare their gills when they see another fish (or themselves in a mirror...). Anyway, Holly thought that it might be fun for the boys to have another couple of "pets" in the house, and that it would be a good way for Chris to learn some responsibility by feeding them, etc.

Now, these fish don't require a lot in the ways of a home, so they had a cool little tank that was split downt the middle by a removable barrier (so they didn't attack each other, but you could remove it and watch the hilarity that ensued). The tank sat on the kitchen counter. That's point number one.

Point number two is that we have cats. From day one, we always did a great job of keeping the cats away from the fish, and made every effort to ensure their little guppy safety. In spite of our efforts, the cats frequently knocked the top off of the fish tank to drink the water. Gross, I know, especially given that they have fresh, clean water downstairs. But these are also the same animals that lick their own butts to keep clean, so what're ya' gonna' do? I digress... The point is that we had come to believe that the fish were in no real danger as the cats were apparently only interested in their home as a source of (somewhat nasty) drinking water. Guess they were too lazy to go downstairs for a drink, but I digress again...

Fast forward to this morning. I was on my way downstairs to get the boys' sippy-cups ready for the car, when I saw it... Toppled over and spewing rocks and water everywhere was the aforementioned "split level" fish house. And where, pray tell, were said fish (whose names are Bob and Fred, by the way)?? Kitty breakfast burritos, I'm afraid! It seems the cats were lulling us into a sense of false pescadoral security by only drinking the water up to this point, and were simply biding their time until they could get away scott-free.

The boys don't know about the incident yet, as I was able to clean up the mess and put the fish tank under the sink. I'm still not sure how we're going to handle this one, but it should be entertaining!

RIP Bob and Fred...

Dawgs and Cats Living Together...MASS HYSTERIA!

Ghostbusters quotes aside, we had a really great time this weekend with Andrea and Will (parents of the oft-mentioned Annabeth and Kyra...the boys' "girlfriends"). A couple of quick notes before getting into this, though:

First, Will and Andrea are HUGE Clemson Tigers fans.

Second, Clemson and Georgia have, in the past, had somewhat of a bitter rivalry. Apparently (and this is a bit before my time) the teams used to play on an annual basis throughout the 80s, and the rivarly was somewhere on par with Georgia/Florida, etc. Not a lot of love lost here.

Finally, Holly and I are bitterly opposed to pretty much any school that uses orange as one of their key colors. Clemson, of course, uses orange and PURPLE (what the hell?!?) as their colors of choice.

SO...it was with great difficulty that we allowed the purveyors of purple and orange into our home this Saturday (with the girls, no less!) to watch the Georgia/Alabama game. The game notwithstanding (it was AWESOME! GO DAWGS!), we had an amazing time with them. Burgers were grilled, beer was served, cookies were eaten, and (thankfully!) no munchkins removed their clothes this time around. (Background on the nake reference can be found here)

Annabeth showed up in a dress, which is quite the big step for her. Andrea usually won't let her wear them because she invariable ends up ruining them somehow. This time around, though, everything ended up fine, and she was completely adorable. Kyra was equally cute, and she and Matthew spent most of the evening chasing down Chris and Annabeth. I've honestly never seen four kids play so HARD! Matthew and Kyra finally crashed at about 10:00, but Chris and Annabeth were still going pretty strong when Georgia finally threw the game-winning touchdown pass at about 11:30. Incredible!

A highlight of the evening was a brief conversation with Andrea's sister, Katie. For about the past month or two, Chris has been making up stories about the various games and trips that he has taken with "his" Aunt Katie. These have included going to South Carolina to attend cheerleading college and going to various weddings and other special events that somehow involved her. Apparently he has heard Annabeth talking about Katie, and just wants to be part of that relationship, too. CUTE! SO...Andrea is on the phone with Katie and says to Chris, "Do you want to talk to Katie?" Chris, of course, was all in! He grab's the phone and says, "Hi, Annabetha's Aunt Katie!" It was hilarious! Incidentally, anything that belongs to Annabeth is termed "Annabetha's." Not sure where the extra "a" comes from in all of that, but it's a lot of fun all the same.

ANYWAY...once the game was over and everyone was thoroughly exhausted, we finally called it a night at about midnight. We had a lot of fun, and we're even happier that Georgia pulled out the win. Now Will and Andrea aren't cursed, and will be allowed to visit our house during future games!

GO DAWGS!!

Beach Buddies

Earlier this month we visited Holly's folks down in Orlando for a little R&R. While we were there, we mostly hung out at their pool and lounged. On the Sunday before Labor Day, though, we took off for Cocoa Beach and my in-laws' beach club...what a great time!

Chris and Matthew had an amazing time playing in the sand and "swimming" with us out in the ocean. The water couldn't have been any nicer...perfectly warm and just clear enough to know whether we were about to be eaten by anything.

Eventually we got tired of roasting on the beach and getting sand in our unmentionable areas, so we headed up to the club to hang out at THAT pool. It was absolutely gorgeous! Complete with a waterfall and fountain-style play area for the kids, it was a great spot for a little extra relaxation. Unfortunately, the day had to come to a close when thunderstorms moved into the area. All in all, though, a great time was had by all.

Of course, pretty much any trip to Cocoa that doesn't involve either a hospital trip or visit with the Florida Highway Patrol is a nice one! BACKGROUND NOTE - Our first trip to Cocoa with the family resulted in our slamming into an uninsured (and apparently wanted) driver on the way home. The driver and passenger went running as soon as we called the cops, and had to be pulled out from under a nearby resident's front porch by the authorities (who used a HELICOPTER to track them down...awesome!!). Our second trip included taking my nephew to the emergency room for a pretty serious illness. Fun! It's also worth noting that I went to Cocoa on spring break several years ago. That trip included a three-hour wait for AAA to come and remove my broken car key from the ignition of my car. One of my roommates broke it off in his enthusiasm to leave the car for a beer run...cool!

SO...we have FINALLY had an issue-free Cocoa Beach run. Totally worth it, and VERY relaxing. Here are a few pictures. Enjoy!

And finally...the aftermath! :-)

Chris's Beautiful Princess

Last night we went to a surprise birthday party that my boss's boyfriend threw for her. Since it was all the way down in Midtown and we didn't leave until close to midnight, my boss decided that we should have a late start to work this morning. As such, Holly had to take the munchkins to school this morning.

None of that really has too much to do with anything...I'm just setting the stage a little bit. SO...Holly shows up to school with the boys, and Chris immediately runs to Miss Emily, his favorite teacher. Emily goes through the standard meet and greet, hugs Chris and says to Holly, "Listen to what Chris told me yesterday! He told me that I was his 'beautiful princess.' He said that you and Brian were going to take me shopping for a beautiful new dress, a pretty crown and a wand, and that we were going to get married tomorrow!" Holly said she's never seen Miss Emily so happy. :-)

Donut Face!

A great opportunity to let a picture speak for itself!

This was taken on August 11th, Holly's and my "Birthaversary." I stopped on the way home Friday night and picked up some chocolate donuts for breakfast in bed (who says romance is dead?!?), and Matthew ended up with more than his fair share.

You Snooze...

If there was ever a question in anyone's mind as to whether Chris is indeed Holly's or my child, let those doubts now be satisfied. We let Chris sleep in our bed the other night, and set him up with a book to "read" before he went to sleep. This is a pretty common occurrence, and usually he'll finish with the book and toss it to the floor before conking out. This time, though, he just couldn't seem to make it all the way through the book before sleep got the better of him. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I'll let the photo below speak for itself...

Green Poop and Butt Paste

Chalk another one up in the "Things You'll Never Think About Until You're a Parent" category...

Matthew had a pretty significantly uncomfortable diaper rash the other day, so we called the doctor to see what she recommended.

First of all, let me clarify to you non-parents what a diaper rash is like... Picture walking around in flannel pants on for several hours on a hot summer day, and the resultant chafing that exists just inside the thighs. OUCH! So...now imagine that every three hours someone with a wipe soaked in alcohol is going to attack your nether regions with gusto in an effort to scrub away all poop-related remnants, and you can imagine the discomfort level here.

Incidentally, here is where the green poop comes in. FUN! Yesterday afternoon when I picked up the boys from school, Matthew's teacher had filled two sippy cups with what can only be described as a Shrek-green beverage...apparently some sort of juice product. The boys naturally chugged it down without a second thought. Flash forward to this morning and Matthew's first diaper change of the day: BRIGHT GREEN POOP abounded! Not just the Shrek-green goop from the sippy cup, either. I'm talking DAY GLOW GREEN here! NASTY! But back to the Butt Paste...

Sso we call the doctor and what does she recommend? BOUDREAUX'S BUTT PASTE!! You read right...BUTT PASTE! Not necessarily the glue the kid in the helmet ate back in kindergarten, but a rather unpleasant brown goop that you're supposed to smear across your baby's butt during diaper changes. FUN! I still haven't figured out exactly what this stuff is - or where it came from - but I can absolutely tell you that the stuff WORKS! Two days later, and the kid's butt is back to the way it should be. Amazing! Thank you, Boudreaux's Butt Paste!

Shameless plug here: http://www.buttpaste.com/

Another Simple Sister

So a few posts ago I mocked my youngest sister for asking me how they made sweet potatoes orange. Admittedly, that's one of the more retarded things that someone can ask...HOWEVER!...below is a direct transcript of a text message that the oldest of my two sisters sent me while seeing The Simpsons Movie:

"Are the Simpsons dogs? Like what animal are they?"

WHAT THE HELL?!?!? Apparently her on-again-off-again boyfriend (and his friends) had convinced her that the Simpsons were once animals of some kind that were turned into yellow people by the continual ingestion of toxic waste from Springfield's nuclear (It's prounounced "nuke-yuh-ler!") power plant. OUCH! This is somewhat akin to the time my roommates and I convinced a girl in college that Buffalo Wings came from cows. Of course, we also convinced the same girl that our computer was touchscreen and we had to use the mouse and keyboard because the monitor was broken... Hmmmmm...

Birthaversary VI

I had a hard time deciding where exactly to post this little ditty, but in the end I decided to post it here because of the company we kept during Birthaversary VI.

As a quick reminder, Holly and I were married on my 25th birthday, thus making our anniversary and my birthday a sort of joint celebration. In an effort to improve my marketing chops, we decided to call this joyous occasion a "Birthaversary." That being said...

We went out on Saturday night with Chris's girlfriend's parents. Yes...you heard correctly...Chris has a girlfriend. Her name is Annabeth, and she's been his go-to girl pretty much since birth. They're more or less inseparable at school, and she serves as his punishment to us if we irritate him. "Mommy, you hurt my feelings. Now you can't come to Annabetha's (his pronunciation) house with me!!" So...since they appear to be best friends and all, we decided to invite Annabeth's parents over for Chris's and Matthew's respective birthday parties. After talking with them for a while, we realized that not only were they extremely cool, but we have a TON in common with them. I won't belabor the point here, but the key element is that they got married on the same exact day that we did. Not only that, but they actually looked into having their reception at the Roswell Mill. Of course, they weren't able to get that particular party spot. Why? Because WE already had it! :-)

Anyway...fast-forward from April until now. We have now spent several afternoons and evenings hanging out with Will and Andrea (did I mention their names yet?), and have found them to be an absolute blast to be around. It was only natural, then, that we decided to celebrate our collective anniversary together. Again, I won't bore you with too terribly many details, but it boils down to this: Fogo de Chao for 4 equals TONS of tasty meat on sticks. Taco Mac for 4 equals two VERY drunk wives!

We gorged ourselves on Brazillian skewered meats at Fogo, then retired to The Mac for tasty beverages. While Will schooled me on the fine art of Golden Tee (I'm starting to see the attraction to that phenomenal waste of money), the girls held down the fort by tossing back SEVERAL delicious cocktails. A long drive home and one passed-out wife later, our 6th Birthaversary came to a close. All in all, it was a great night and we had a ball with Will and Andrea.

And, in an effort to further blackmail the ladies (and to a certain extent Will and I), here are some pictures. Enjoy!