No...this isn't a post about attempting to hook up with a plus-size lady. If that's what you're looking for, you need to Google "hogging." THIS post revolves around what has become one of my favorite things to do with Chris: clipping his fingernails.
WHAT?!? Could you possibly have read that right?!? Did I actually say that clipping Chris's fingernails is one of my favorite things to do? Damn straight! And I'll tell ya' why...
There's a Sandra Boynton book out there called Hippos Go Berserk that's been a family classic for at least 30 years. The opening salvo is something like this:
One hippo all alone
Calls two hippos on the phone
Three hippos at the door
Bring along another four
Five hippos come overdressed
Six hippos show up with a guest
Seven hippos arrive in a sack
Eight hippos sneak in the back
Nine hippos come to work
ALL THE HIPPOS GO BERSERK!!!
Well...after three-plus years of reading this book to Chris, he pretty much has that opening part memorized. Take into account that you're basically talking about 10 pages worth of hippos, and add to that the fact that Chris has (duh!) ten fingers, and you've got a recipe for parenting success! Take one kid who hates having his fingernails clipped ("Daddy! You're hurting my fingernails' feelings!!!) and add a bunch of berserk hippos, shake and serve. Now you've got story time with a purpose!
When we figure out that Chris's fingernails are just about as long as your average coke-head's, we say, "Chris! It's time to do the hippos!" Instead of shrieks, wails, and general lamenting, Chris hops up on the counter for a quick clipping. SO..."One hippo all alone" becomes the first nail we clip, and so on.
The funniest part of all of this, though, is Chris's recitation of the book as we go along. Sometimes I have to lead him a little bit, but basically he knows the entire thing. My favorite parts are (Chris's version below):
Three hippos at the door
Bringin' along another four
Eight hippos sneakin' in the back
and of course...
ALL THE HIPPOS GO BERSERK!!!!!...
at which point we both shriek and scream. It's easily one of my favorite things, and one that I think every parent should try if they can't get their kids to sit still for fingernail clipping time. I'd be remiss not to mention that there's also a countdown from ten, which is perfect for toenail clipping. This one is a little less common (toenails seem to grow MUCH slower than fingernails), but equally cute. I'm not 100% sure on this, but it's close to this:
All through the hippo night
Hippos play with great delight
But at the hippo break of day
The hippos all must go away
Nine hippos and a beast (this is the guest who came with the aforementioned 6 hippos)
Join eight hippos riding east
Seven hippos headed west
Leave six hippos quite distressed
Five hippos then set forth
With four hippos headed north
Three hippos say "Good day!"
The last two hippos go their way
One hippo, alone once more,
Misses the other forty-four (sad hippo with a party hat staring at his phone and trashed house)
5 comments:
The ones who come to work don't get to go berserk. I always insert "(except those ten)".
There are actually 46 hippos cause the 6 hippos show up with a guest :P
but the guest is a beast
This is So Cute I heard this On a ER Episode when Dr Susan Lewis is One the Phone to her Son Cosmo and Sings it to him I absolutely Love it I'm only 16 but will sing It to My Niece and Future Nieces, Nephews and Children thanks so Much for Posting this
Yes, Susan said it with a calming voice.
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