Wrinkled Old Bag Lookin' Like A Sharpei

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 23 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 8 inches from crown to rump and weighs almost 1 pound. His body is starting to look more like a newborn, but his skin is still wrinkled as more weight is to be gained. By now, there is no mistaking that you are pregnant and you have likely gained about 12 to 15 pounds. If you have aches in the small of your back, consider treating yourself to a pregnancy massage or apply a warm (not hot) heating pad or hot water bottle for a short period of time to the area.

Let me first say that I think it's a bit presumptuous of the WebMD folks to assume that all husbands are kind enough to provide their loving wives with a trip to the spa for a pregnancy massage. Maybe they've got some sort of arrangement with the Spa Sidell folks or something. Hmmm....

Second, I think it's hilarious that Tyler has essentially not grown into his own skin yet. For whatever reason, all I can picture when I think of this is one of those wrinkly little sharpeis...

And why the bizarre title to this post? It's a shout out to our good friend, Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith, from his classic 1991 ode to old drivers, "You Saw My Blinker!"

We both pulled off on the side of the road

I was hot ready to explode

The only thing stopping me from breaking her nose

Was I was 21 and she was ninety years old

Then the police came turned the lights off

The lady started crying and the cop got soft

The cop said oh it'll be okay

Wrinkled old bag looking like a sharpei...

Graduation!!

Chris graduated from Pre-K last week. HOORAY! I'll post more information on this later, but I thought I'd post the video for now. Enjoy! :-)

Do A Little Dance...Get Down Tonight!

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 22 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 7.6 inches and weighs about 12.3 ounces. His muscles are getting stronger, and his eyelids and eyebrows have developed. Your baby's acrobatics are pretty constant, and since he responds to sound, rhythm and melody, you can try singing and talking to him. After he's born, the same sounds may soothe him. Your uterus is continuing to grow, but you're probably feeling pretty good -- no more morning sickness, and your abdomen isn't so large that it's getting in the way very much. But many women experience leg and foot cramps, as well as mild swelling of ankles and feet, around this time.

I think it's absolutely incredible that Tyler is already forming a love for music. On the other hand, the image that keeps popping into my head is that crazy dancing baby from Ally McBeal! :-)

Mah Name's Tahler...But Y'all Can Call Me Bubba!

First, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 21 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 7.2 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 10.5 ounces. He is steadily gaining fat to keep warm. Growth rate is slowing down but organ systems, like digestion, are continuing to mature. A waxy film, called the vernix caseosa, is being produced by your baby's oil glands and covers the skin to keep it supple in the amniotic fluid. Buds for permanent teeth are beginning to form. Friends, relatives, and even strangers can probably tell you're pregnant by now. Your uterus is starting to extend above your navel. You've likely gained between 10 and 14 pounds.

Before continuing on, I think it's important to note Holly's response to this post. She's generally felt like everyone on Earth (and maybe even NASA astronauts thanks to the Hubble telescope) can tell that she's pregnant for the past several weeks. To say that she was shocked to hear that people might (just now) be able to tell that she's pregnant is perhaps the understatement of the century!

Anyway...I love the idea that Tyler's beginning to develop "buds for permanent teeth." That sort of makes it sound like he's growing some of those Hillbilly Teeth that you can buy in gas station gumball machines. :-)

Note to family members who are reading this...be sure to ask Ann about the teeth she wore the first time she met Holly's mom. Hilarious!!

20-Week Update

From our good friends at WebMD...

You're 20 Weeks Pregnant. You're at about the midpoint of your pregnancy. Your
baby measures about 5.6 to 6.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 9
ounces. He can hear sounds by now - so talk to your baby often. Baby will even
cover his ears with his hands if a loud sound is made near you, and he may even
become startled and "jump." Your baby is moving often, too -- twisting, turning,
wiggling, punching and kicking. Can you feel him? Your uterus is just about even
with your navel and your waistline has pretty much disappeared. But don't worry,
it is only temporary!

I'm lazy today, so there's nothing clever about this post. As they say, "just the facts, ma'am!" Until next time...

I Just Have Too Many Interesting Things to Say!

So a couple of weeks ago, Chris had notes on his daily reports that said he was "chatty" at nap time, meaning that he was probably keeping some poor kid from getting his or her daily ration of sleep (and - more importantly - keeping his teacher from getting her daily ration of sanity!). This went on for two or three days, and when I finally asked him why he kept being so chatty he replied, "I just have too many important things to say, and I have to get them out!"

How hilarious is that?!?

X-Men?

First, this (slightly belated) note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 19 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 5.2 to 6 inches from crown to
rump and weighs about 7 ounces. The baby's skin is developing and is transparent, appearing red because of the visible blood vessels. A creamy white protective coating, called vernix, is also developing. As your baby continues to grow, you may be feeling some mid-pregnancy aches and pains -- lower abdominal achiness, dizziness, heartburn, leg cramps, mild swelling of ankles and feet, and a backache are all normal. Dilated blood vessels might cause tiny, temporary red marks (called spider nevi) on your face, shoulders and arms.

Admittedly, I'm a little creeped out by the "creamy white protective coating." It sounds like someone slathered Tyler in suntan lotion or something. Who knows? Maybe ultrasound waves can give you a nasty burn...

Regardless, the idea that Tyler's skin is still transparent and a little red reminded me of the scene in the first X-Men movie where Senator Kelly gets turned into a mutant by Magneto, only to have the mutation fail completely, ultimately resulting in his disintegration into a gelatinous mass on Dr. Grey's table. NASTY stuff, but a VERY cool effect!

Like A Rock...

Last weekend, we decided it would be cool to celebrate Mother's Day a week early by having lunch with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and granda out in Stone Mountain. Since we weren't planning to eat until 2:30, though, we decided it would be cool to take the boys out to Stone Mountain Park. What a great experience!

We hadn't really been out to the part since they underwent massive renovations and privatization, and I have to say it was exceptionally cool. There's a whole village now that's filled with shops and historic activities, and they're really done a great job revamping the place. By far, our favorite spot was the glass blowing exhibition. We must have stood there for 15 minutes while this guy turned a two-inch blob of liquid glass into an absolutely beautiful vase. Truly mind-blowing!

It was also cool to walk around the base of the mountain. On either side, there are memorials to the fallen soldiers of the Confederacy, and there are lots of really great quotes engraved in the walkways. I'm not Southern by birth, but I have to say that if you had ties to the Confederate South, this would be like Mecca for you, I think.

It was interesting to see Chris and Matthew's reaction to things, too. Since he's still pretty young, I think most of the symbolism of the Mountain went over his head. Chris, though (in typical fashion), was fascinated by the whole affair and had tons of questions. Most interesting was his confusion over the idea of war, and why people were killing each other. Holly did a really amazing job of explaining it to him, though. She said, "Sometimes people believe in something so strongly that they're willing to die for it, and sometimes people love something or someone so much that they're willing to die for that, too. These people loved their country so much, and believed so strongly in what they thought was right, that they were willing to die for it." Even cooler, though, was how Holly worked in Chris's apparent religious zealotry. She told him, "It's kind of like how Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to die for us." Very cool!

Enough bragging about my wife and kids, though. On to the video! Enjoy... :-)

The Moo Turns Three!

WOW is this post ever late! Matthew, or The Moo as he's become affectionately known (for reasons known only to Holly), turned three last month. It's a little ridiculous that I'm just getting around to posting this video in celebration, but I'm sure we'll all move on...right? RIGHT?!? OK...now that that's out of the way...

The Moo turning three was absolutely cause for celebration, and celebrate we did! It turns out that our neighbor's daughter's birthday falls just a few days before Matthew's, so we organized a dual birthday party for the two of them. It was AWESOME! We tag-teamed with our neighbor to rent a moonwalk for the day, and the kids absolutely wore themselves out. This had to be the single coolest moonwalk ever, by the way. Not only did it have a full-scale jump zone, it also had two basketball hoops (one inside, and one outside) and slide. Seriously...awesome!

We grilled out burgers and hot dogs, and stuffed our guests full of cake and goodies. There was also the requisite beverage for all three-year-old birthday parties...beer! :-) By the end of the day, parents and kids were completely exhausted, and a good time was had by all.

If you're reading this and were present for the festivities, thanks so much for making The Moo's third birthday a great one. We had an absolute blast, and we're thrilled to have such a great group of friends and family.

Enjoy the video!

Drama at the Prom-A

This weekend was my youngest sister's junior prom. First, let me say just how much it boggles my mind that Hope is already a Junior in high school. I would swear that it was just last week that she was running after the school bus on Annie's first day of school, wishing her sister would come back to her. Of course, that all ended about thirty seconds later, when she famously said to my mom, "HA! Now I get to play with ALL the toys!"

Fast forward a decade and change, and she's all grown up into a beautiful young woman.

Granted, she's still playing with all the toys now that Annie's off at college (another mindbender), but we'll save that for later. Here's where the drama comes in!

Hope and her friends were all set for group pictures on Saturday, when all of the sudden it started to rain. The mass hysteria of flash-happy parents that made of the original photo shoot was therefore forced to move over to a local country club where one (or more) of the group had a membership. Pictures were snapped by the bazillion inside, but then we got lucky and the rain broke off. This is where it got interesting...

As it turned out, the best place to take group pictures was adjacent to the golf course. Also nearby...the golf cart garage! As you can imagine, Chris and Matthew were absolutely fascinated by the carts, especially since they seemed to be SO kid-friendly! Dad was wise enough to go around to the various carts and turn the keys to the "off" position, and the boys found themselves squarely in hog heaven. There were smiles all around, and a general calm fell over them as they pictured themselves hurtling along at breakneck speeds with Lightning McQueen and the gang.

Fast forward about 15 minutes and an untold number of cart returns...

We'd left the cart area for a few minutes to take pictures in other locations, and had just returned the cart corral. Naturally, the boys headed straight back to their favorite new toys and hopped aboard.

As an aside, I feel it's incumbent upon me at this point to mention that we'd spent the better part of the early afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese's for a birthday party. Chuck E. Cheese's, as you may know, is famous for its selection of kid-friendly video games...including driving simulators. This is important...

Anyway, there we all are, standing in awe of our suddenly waaaaay-too-adult-looking sisters/daughters/granddaughters/aunts/whatever, when all of the sudden out the corner of my eye I see...wait for it...

Matthew DRIVING a GOLF CART across the parking area and heading straight for a small pond!! Superhuman speed took over my parentally-exhausted body, and I flew across the parking area to leap into the cart with The Moo. I slammed on the brakes, sending Matthew flying into my arms, and promptly asked Matthew just what the heck he was thinking. Naturally, panic took over at that point, and poor Matthew just broke down crying. Also naturally (since crying kids and a death-defying leap into a golf cart are hysterical to adults), everyone else present completely cracked up...myself included.

By the time all was said and done, Matthew was convinced that he's the next race car champion of the world, and I was convinced that he'll NEVER get near another wheeled vehicle as long as he lives.

Guess we'll have to see...they DO race GoKarts over at the fairgrounds on the weekends. Maybe there's a future there after all! :-)

Spoon!

OK, so there's not really an overly cute story or intricate background to these pictures, but... I came up to kiss the boys goodnight before heading off to bed the other night, and this is how I found them. How cute is that?!?

Pretty Woman? Not so much...

And now, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 18 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures 5 to 5.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 5.25 ounces. The rapid growth spurt is tapering off, but reflexes are kicking in. He can yawn, stretch and make facial expressions, even frown. Taste buds are beginning to develop and he can now distinguish sweet from bitter. The baby can suck and swallow, and he may even get the hiccups. The eyes have become sensitive to light, so if a bright light is shined on your belly, baby will probably turn away. Your uterus, about the size of a cantaloupe, can be felt just below your navel. You're most likely feeling the baby move at this time. A mid-pregnancy ultrasound may be performed between now and 22 weeks to assess your baby's growth and development and to verify the due date. If the baby is in the right position, the ultrasound may even be able to determine the baby's sex.

It's truly amazing to me that:

1. Babies can taste in-utero


2. Anyone knows this...

How is it even remotely possible to figure out that a baby can differentiate between sweet and bitter? Do they have some sort of in-utero taste test? Perhaps a Pre-Natal Pepsi Challenge? I just can't get my head around it.

I also think it's hilarious that he's sensitive to light. Makes me think of the late, great ROy Orbison, and his aversion to bright light (hence the shades). Anyone? Anyone? Maybe it's just me...

Anyway, it appears that Tyler is growing like a little weed, and everything's going great. More updates to come!

Waiting to Exhale

First, this update from our friends at WebMD...

Your baby measures about 4.4 to 4.8 inches from crown to rump and has doubled its weight in the last two weeks to about 3.5 ounces. Fat begins to form aiding heat production and metabolism, the lungs are beginning to exhale amniotic fluid, and the circulatory and urinary systems are working. Hair continues to grow on baby's head and his eyebrows and eyelashes are filling in. You're showing more, with an obvious swelling in your lower abdomen. A five- to 10-pound weight gain is typical by now. You also may be noticing an increase in appetite.

First, a quick disclaimer...if you do NOT want to know whether we're having a boy or a girl, I suggest that you lose this link TODAY. I plan to reveal that information in just a second. But first...it's amazing to me that we begin our lives encased in what can only be described as "warm liquid goo." Even more amazing is that we seem to have no problem breathing in there. According to WebMD, our newest little monkey started exhaling this stuff just this week...what the heck was going on before that? Incredible!

All that stuff aside, here's the big news:
IT'S A BOY!!!

That's right. Apparently, the Johnston genes just aren't meant to be passed along to girls! We had an ultrasound appointment through a friend last Friday, and everything looks great. Everything is where it's supposed to be, and he's looking perfectly healthy so far. We even have a name picked out...Tyler Sloan Johnston. Sloan is Holly's maiden name, and would have been Tyler's middle name even if he'd been a girl. The Tyler part of the equation is a little harder to explain.

Holly and I had a really hard time coming up with names for a boy this time around since most of the names we might normally have chosen had already been taken by family or friends (Aaron, Andrew, Thomas, Joseph). It seemed like we were forever bouncing names off of one another, until the name Tyler just sort of popped into my head a little while after we left our appointment. It seemed to really hit the right spot with both Holly and me, and now we can't imagine how we didn't think of it right away.

I'll upload some pictures from the ultrasound soon, and will continue to update everyone on the weekly progress of Tyler's development. In the meantime...Welcome Baby Tyler! We can't wait to meet you in person, and we already love you more than you'll ever know! :-)

There Can Be Only One!

First, the weekly update from our friends at WebMD...

You're 16 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby now measures about 4.3 to 4.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 2.8 ounces. Fingernails are well-formed and the fine hair, called lanugo, continues to grow on the head. Arms and legs are moving, the nervous system is functioning and muscles are responding to
stimulation from your baby's brain. You may be able to hear the baby's heartbeat
in the doctor's office. Your uterus has grown significantly by now and weighs about 8.75 ounces. Within the next few weeks you may start to feel your baby move, called "quickening." It's often described as a gas bubble or subtle fluttering movement. As it happens more regularly, you'll know it's your baby.

It's hard to believe that we're already 16 weeks along. As a not-so-casual point of interest here, we're hoping to find out the baby's gender later this week. Keep your fingers crossed! In the meantime, I'm completely amused by the "quickening" reference here. The movie and TV fans among us may recall a similar term from the "Highlander" series of films and TV shows (you'll also understand the "There Can Be Only One" title reference here). "The Quickening" was used to describe the effect of one Highlander taking the power of another once he had killed the other (not pleasant, perhaps, but GREAT effects!), and led me to think of Sean Connery's role in the first "Highlander" movie. For that reason, James Bond/Ramirez gets a place of honor here at Damn...That Kid's Funny!

More to come later this week, I hope!

Captain Caveman (or Cavewoman...we'll see)!!

From the good folks at WebMD...

Your fetus now measures about 4.1 to 4.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs
about 1.75 ounces. Its body is covered by an ultrafine hair, called lanugo,
which is usually shed by birth. Eyebrows and hair on the top of the head are
beginning to grow and his bones are getting harder. He may even be sucking his
thumb by now.

Not only is it pretty incredible how quickly this kid has gone from the size of a pea to almost four-and-a-half inches long, but I'm cracked up by the idea of all of the little hairs. For whatever reason, I'm picturing Captain Caveman from the old USA Cartoon Express. Anyone? Anyone? Maybe it's just me...

The Fight Against Fat-Assery...Update

In my continuing efforts to combat Fat-Assery, I'm pleased to announce that I'm officially down to 204 pounds! That's an 18-pound difference since I started keeping track back in January.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled insanity. Have a nice day...

Magic Kingdom in the Sky

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of a capella music, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone to know that a song by one of my favorite (though apparently now defunct) groups, Da Vinci's Notebook, was stuck in my head for most of the morning today. The song, "Magic Kingdom in the Sky," is a hilarious gospel-style tune extolling the many virtues of Disney World, and it absolutely REFUSED to get out of my brain. Naturally, I had to do something about that.

So...I proudly present to you a slideshow of our 2008 (!!) trip to Disney World, set to the music of Da Vinci's Notebook. Enjoy!

Is Holly Baking an Office Drone?!?

First, a quick baby update from the good folks at WebMD...

You're 14 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 3.2 to 4.1 inches from crown to rump and weighs almost an ounce. The ears are shifting from the neck to the sides of the head, and the neck is getting longer and chin more prominent. Facial features and unique fingerprints are all there. Your baby is beginning to respond to outside stimuli. If your abdomen is poked, the fetus will try to wriggle away. You're probably wearing maternity clothes - or at least looser fitting ones -- now. Your skin and muscles are starting to stretch to accommodate your growing baby.

First of all, how cool is it that our baby already has fingerprints? This kid could totally be busted by the CSI folks! Second, I think it's absolutely hilarious that our ears start out on our neck, and move their way up to our head. For some reason, that made me picture Dilbert... :-)

And now, for the coolest story of the day. I'm actually kind of glad that we didn't get this e-mail update until Monday, because it made Sunday's events that much cooler. We FINALLY got our lazy butts back to church this weekend, and it appears that our little Dilbert wanna-be really enjoyed it. About 10 minutes into the message, Holly turned to me and said, "The baby really likes Shawn! This is the most I've ever felt it move!" How COOL is that? Now, not only do we have ourselves a master evangelist in Christopher, but it appears our new baby will be preaching from the mountain tops, too!

Until the next update, then...adios!

BroncoBlog...Keep Up With Buddy's Baseball

In case you're interested, you can keep up with Chris's baseball team (and their exploits), at BPBroncoBlog, the official site of the Bennett Park Blue Broncos. Click here to check out all the action!

Chris (left) and his friend Griffin.

Georgia Peach...or Stewie Griffin?

OK...so I was a little wigged out by today's update from WebMD. More on that in a second. First, the update:

You're 13 weeks pregnant. Your fully formed fetus, now in about its 11th week of
development, measures 2.6 to 3.1 inches from crown to rump and weighs between half an ounce and seven-tenths of an ounce -- about the size of a peach. The head is still disproportionately bigger than the body, but the rest of the body is starting to catch up. In fact, your baby is growing rapidly these days. The face is starting to look more human, with eyes moving closer together. Toes and fingers are clearly separate, and ankles and wrists have formed. External genitalia are becoming visible. Intestines are shifting into their proper place, too. Your uterus is filling your pelvis now and starting to grow upward into your abdomen. It probably feels like a soft, smooth ball. If you haven't put on weight yet because of morning sickness, you'll begin to now as you start to feel better.

Before I get into why I was wigged out, let me first say how exciting it is to know that our little Georgia Peach is starting to develop so wonderfully. It's truly amazing to know what's going on inside Holly's body right now, especially since the outwards signs have been so minimal so far (other than the morning sickness, of course!). That said..."The head is still disproportionately bigger than the rest of the body" really freaks me out. It sounds like we've got Stewie Griffin in there or something! Is our little Georgia Peach actually a scheming hellion bent on world domination?

Guess we'll have to see...