Pretty Woman? Not so much...

And now, this note from our friends at WebMD...

You're 18 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures 5 to 5.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 5.25 ounces. The rapid growth spurt is tapering off, but reflexes are kicking in. He can yawn, stretch and make facial expressions, even frown. Taste buds are beginning to develop and he can now distinguish sweet from bitter. The baby can suck and swallow, and he may even get the hiccups. The eyes have become sensitive to light, so if a bright light is shined on your belly, baby will probably turn away. Your uterus, about the size of a cantaloupe, can be felt just below your navel. You're most likely feeling the baby move at this time. A mid-pregnancy ultrasound may be performed between now and 22 weeks to assess your baby's growth and development and to verify the due date. If the baby is in the right position, the ultrasound may even be able to determine the baby's sex.

It's truly amazing to me that:

1. Babies can taste in-utero


2. Anyone knows this...

How is it even remotely possible to figure out that a baby can differentiate between sweet and bitter? Do they have some sort of in-utero taste test? Perhaps a Pre-Natal Pepsi Challenge? I just can't get my head around it.

I also think it's hilarious that he's sensitive to light. Makes me think of the late, great ROy Orbison, and his aversion to bright light (hence the shades). Anyone? Anyone? Maybe it's just me...

Anyway, it appears that Tyler is growing like a little weed, and everything's going great. More updates to come!

Waiting to Exhale

First, this update from our friends at WebMD...

Your baby measures about 4.4 to 4.8 inches from crown to rump and has doubled its weight in the last two weeks to about 3.5 ounces. Fat begins to form aiding heat production and metabolism, the lungs are beginning to exhale amniotic fluid, and the circulatory and urinary systems are working. Hair continues to grow on baby's head and his eyebrows and eyelashes are filling in. You're showing more, with an obvious swelling in your lower abdomen. A five- to 10-pound weight gain is typical by now. You also may be noticing an increase in appetite.

First, a quick disclaimer...if you do NOT want to know whether we're having a boy or a girl, I suggest that you lose this link TODAY. I plan to reveal that information in just a second. But first...it's amazing to me that we begin our lives encased in what can only be described as "warm liquid goo." Even more amazing is that we seem to have no problem breathing in there. According to WebMD, our newest little monkey started exhaling this stuff just this week...what the heck was going on before that? Incredible!

All that stuff aside, here's the big news:
IT'S A BOY!!!

That's right. Apparently, the Johnston genes just aren't meant to be passed along to girls! We had an ultrasound appointment through a friend last Friday, and everything looks great. Everything is where it's supposed to be, and he's looking perfectly healthy so far. We even have a name picked out...Tyler Sloan Johnston. Sloan is Holly's maiden name, and would have been Tyler's middle name even if he'd been a girl. The Tyler part of the equation is a little harder to explain.

Holly and I had a really hard time coming up with names for a boy this time around since most of the names we might normally have chosen had already been taken by family or friends (Aaron, Andrew, Thomas, Joseph). It seemed like we were forever bouncing names off of one another, until the name Tyler just sort of popped into my head a little while after we left our appointment. It seemed to really hit the right spot with both Holly and me, and now we can't imagine how we didn't think of it right away.

I'll upload some pictures from the ultrasound soon, and will continue to update everyone on the weekly progress of Tyler's development. In the meantime...Welcome Baby Tyler! We can't wait to meet you in person, and we already love you more than you'll ever know! :-)

There Can Be Only One!

First, the weekly update from our friends at WebMD...

You're 16 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby now measures about 4.3 to 4.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 2.8 ounces. Fingernails are well-formed and the fine hair, called lanugo, continues to grow on the head. Arms and legs are moving, the nervous system is functioning and muscles are responding to
stimulation from your baby's brain. You may be able to hear the baby's heartbeat
in the doctor's office. Your uterus has grown significantly by now and weighs about 8.75 ounces. Within the next few weeks you may start to feel your baby move, called "quickening." It's often described as a gas bubble or subtle fluttering movement. As it happens more regularly, you'll know it's your baby.

It's hard to believe that we're already 16 weeks along. As a not-so-casual point of interest here, we're hoping to find out the baby's gender later this week. Keep your fingers crossed! In the meantime, I'm completely amused by the "quickening" reference here. The movie and TV fans among us may recall a similar term from the "Highlander" series of films and TV shows (you'll also understand the "There Can Be Only One" title reference here). "The Quickening" was used to describe the effect of one Highlander taking the power of another once he had killed the other (not pleasant, perhaps, but GREAT effects!), and led me to think of Sean Connery's role in the first "Highlander" movie. For that reason, James Bond/Ramirez gets a place of honor here at Damn...That Kid's Funny!

More to come later this week, I hope!

Captain Caveman (or Cavewoman...we'll see)!!

From the good folks at WebMD...

Your fetus now measures about 4.1 to 4.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs
about 1.75 ounces. Its body is covered by an ultrafine hair, called lanugo,
which is usually shed by birth. Eyebrows and hair on the top of the head are
beginning to grow and his bones are getting harder. He may even be sucking his
thumb by now.

Not only is it pretty incredible how quickly this kid has gone from the size of a pea to almost four-and-a-half inches long, but I'm cracked up by the idea of all of the little hairs. For whatever reason, I'm picturing Captain Caveman from the old USA Cartoon Express. Anyone? Anyone? Maybe it's just me...

The Fight Against Fat-Assery...Update

In my continuing efforts to combat Fat-Assery, I'm pleased to announce that I'm officially down to 204 pounds! That's an 18-pound difference since I started keeping track back in January.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled insanity. Have a nice day...

Magic Kingdom in the Sky

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of a capella music, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone to know that a song by one of my favorite (though apparently now defunct) groups, Da Vinci's Notebook, was stuck in my head for most of the morning today. The song, "Magic Kingdom in the Sky," is a hilarious gospel-style tune extolling the many virtues of Disney World, and it absolutely REFUSED to get out of my brain. Naturally, I had to do something about that.

So...I proudly present to you a slideshow of our 2008 (!!) trip to Disney World, set to the music of Da Vinci's Notebook. Enjoy!

Is Holly Baking an Office Drone?!?

First, a quick baby update from the good folks at WebMD...

You're 14 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 3.2 to 4.1 inches from crown to rump and weighs almost an ounce. The ears are shifting from the neck to the sides of the head, and the neck is getting longer and chin more prominent. Facial features and unique fingerprints are all there. Your baby is beginning to respond to outside stimuli. If your abdomen is poked, the fetus will try to wriggle away. You're probably wearing maternity clothes - or at least looser fitting ones -- now. Your skin and muscles are starting to stretch to accommodate your growing baby.

First of all, how cool is it that our baby already has fingerprints? This kid could totally be busted by the CSI folks! Second, I think it's absolutely hilarious that our ears start out on our neck, and move their way up to our head. For some reason, that made me picture Dilbert... :-)

And now, for the coolest story of the day. I'm actually kind of glad that we didn't get this e-mail update until Monday, because it made Sunday's events that much cooler. We FINALLY got our lazy butts back to church this weekend, and it appears that our little Dilbert wanna-be really enjoyed it. About 10 minutes into the message, Holly turned to me and said, "The baby really likes Shawn! This is the most I've ever felt it move!" How COOL is that? Now, not only do we have ourselves a master evangelist in Christopher, but it appears our new baby will be preaching from the mountain tops, too!

Until the next update, then...adios!

BroncoBlog...Keep Up With Buddy's Baseball

In case you're interested, you can keep up with Chris's baseball team (and their exploits), at BPBroncoBlog, the official site of the Bennett Park Blue Broncos. Click here to check out all the action!

Chris (left) and his friend Griffin.

Georgia Peach...or Stewie Griffin?

OK...so I was a little wigged out by today's update from WebMD. More on that in a second. First, the update:

You're 13 weeks pregnant. Your fully formed fetus, now in about its 11th week of
development, measures 2.6 to 3.1 inches from crown to rump and weighs between half an ounce and seven-tenths of an ounce -- about the size of a peach. The head is still disproportionately bigger than the body, but the rest of the body is starting to catch up. In fact, your baby is growing rapidly these days. The face is starting to look more human, with eyes moving closer together. Toes and fingers are clearly separate, and ankles and wrists have formed. External genitalia are becoming visible. Intestines are shifting into their proper place, too. Your uterus is filling your pelvis now and starting to grow upward into your abdomen. It probably feels like a soft, smooth ball. If you haven't put on weight yet because of morning sickness, you'll begin to now as you start to feel better.

Before I get into why I was wigged out, let me first say how exciting it is to know that our little Georgia Peach is starting to develop so wonderfully. It's truly amazing to know what's going on inside Holly's body right now, especially since the outwards signs have been so minimal so far (other than the morning sickness, of course!). That said..."The head is still disproportionately bigger than the rest of the body" really freaks me out. It sounds like we've got Stewie Griffin in there or something! Is our little Georgia Peach actually a scheming hellion bent on world domination?

Guess we'll have to see...

Ultrasound Photos!

As promised, below are a couple of shots from our ultrasound earlier this week. If you've never seen an ultrasound before, you'd be better off looking at the picture on the bottom...I've outlined the baby's profile in red to make it a little more clear. Enjoy! :-)

Spring Baseball!

What a great first game we had on Wednesday! We travelled all the way down to Midway Park, where we played the Midway Yellow Jackets. Unfortunately, the other team didn't have enough players to field a full roster, and they were forced to forfeit. Fortunately, they had just enough players to make things interesting, and we were able to have a short scrimmage game with them.

The boys did a great job with both hitting and fielding. There was an especially high level of enthusiasm in the infield, where most ground balls were met with a dog-pile of players chasing the ball down. One of the boys actually got kicked in the face, and suffered a bloody lip! Who knew baseball could be so dangerous?!? :-)

Chris went 1-for-2, but he hit the ball without using the tee both times. On his first at-bat, he actually hit the first pitch for a single! He got thrown out (more like run down) at first during his second at-bat, and was none too happy about it. He thought that the first baseman cheated by stepping on the base and touching him with the ball, so he stalked over to the dugout, then resolutely kicked the dirt before taking a seat. It was hilarious!

We've got another game tonight, and I'm hopeful that the chaos will be somewhat more organized. We'll see...

Here are a few pictures from Wednesday night (thanks Hopie!). Enjoy!

In-Utero Shrinkage

How's THAT for an attention-getting header?!? There'll be a more in-depth discussion of it later in this post...

We're now officially 12 weeks along! Hard to believe that poor Holly has been fighting exhaustion for nearly 3 months already, but it's true. First, here's what the good folks at WebMD have to say about things. Then, on to the shrinkage!

You're 12 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby now measures about 2.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs between three-tenths of an ounce and half an ounce. It is fully formed, from tooth buds to toenails. Your baby's job now is to continue to grow big and strong. With the most critical time in your baby's development behind you, the chance of miscarriage drops considerably after this week. Nausea and energy start to improve but occasional headaches, dizziness and fatigue from hormone changes may be present. If it's your first baby, you still could be wearing loose-fitting clothes, but if you've had other pregnancies, you most likely are back in maternity clothes. The typical weight gain by now is about three to five pounds. Fathers-to-be might also experience pregnancy symptoms, called couvade or "hatching," during the third month and at delivery, including nausea, abdominal pain, appetite changes and weight gain.

So, what was all that about in-utero shrinkage again? Here's the deal... We had our 12-week appointment yesterday to make sure that everything's going along swimmingly, and were lucky enough to have another ultrasound (pictures are forthcoming, I promise). The purpose of this ultrasound was to test for any emerging birth defects, Down Syndrome, etc., but it also had the really cool side effect of showing us a great profile of our baby. First, let me say that this child appears to be absolutely every bit as adorable as Chris and Matthew. In fact, he/she puts his/her little hand right up to his/her little face just like both of the boys did in their ultrasounds. Hilarious!

Here's where it gets interesting. We got to see the baby from all sorts of interesting angles, including a lower-body shot. At 12 weeks, it'd be a minor miracle to be able to determine the baby's gender; however, there's always a slight chance. Our technician essentially said that she didn't see anything to indicate this baby is a boy; HOWEVER, she said that it's very common for the boy parts (this IS a family-friendly blog, after all!) to HIDE inside the body due to temperature fluctuations, etc. So basically, if we've got a boy here, it's suffering from in-utero shrinkage. WOW! On the other hand, it could also be a girl...hmmmmmm....

Guess we'll just have to wait and see on this one. We're not technically supposed to be able to find out until we're at 20 weeks, but we may have an in-route with a guy at work whose wife is an ultrasound tech. She got us in at 16 weeks with Matthew, and was able to tell us his gender at that point. Keep your eyes and ears peeled, folks...this is starting to get interesting! :-)

Pregnant Again in Margaritaville!

WHAT?!? Did Brian just make a reference to margaritas in conjunction with being pregnant?!? What the heck is WRONG with this guy?!?

Not to worry, everyone. This post's title is merely a reference to the fact that, as of this week, our baby is roughly the size of a large lime. And what do we do with limes? We squeeze them into deliciously refreshing margaritas, of course...as long as the "we" in question doesn't include Holly!
Here's the latest update from the good folks at WebMD. Enjoy!

"You're 11 Weeks Pregnant. Your fetus, about the size of a large lime, measures
about 1.75 to 2.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about three-tenths of an
ounce. About now the rapid "swooshing" noises of the heartbeat may be heard
using an electronic Doppler device. Fingernails and external genitalia are
showing distinguishing characteristics, and the baby is swallowing and kicking,
although you still won't feel it. Your uterus is almost big enough to fill your
pelvis and may be felt in your lower abdomen. You may also be seeing changes in
your hair, skin, fingernails or toenails."

The question now, of course, is when we'll be able to see for ourselves whether we've got a little boy or a little girl. The answer: probably in a few weeks. Doctors will generally perform an ultrasound at 20 weeks to determine the baby's gender, but we've got a friend who may be
able to do it at 16 weeks if we're nice to her. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated. Until next time...have a great day!

Shrimpy Shrimperton!

From the weekly files of Holly's online pregnancy updates. Enjoy!

Your baby is now officially considered a "fetus." It looks a little like a medium sized shrimp, measuring 1.25 to 1.68 inches from crown to rump, and weighing a little less than two-tenths of an ounce. The most critical part of your baby's development is behind you. But other developmental processes, such as those affecting behavior and intelligence, will continue throughout pregnancy. You still probably don't look pregnant, but you may not be fitting into your regular clothes. The fatigue, moodiness, and morning sickness associated with the first trimester of pregnancy is likely still present, but these symptoms shouldn't last too much longer.

Strawberry Fields Forever...

Honestly, today's post has absolutely nothing to do with the classic Beatles tune. The simple implication here is that, according to WebMD, our baby should be roughly the size of a strawberry at this point. Awesome! Holly's about 9 weeks along now, and she gets great weekly update e-mails from the folks at WebMD. I'll be doing my best to post those here so that everyone can keep up with where we are in the process. Enjoy!

You're nine weeks pregnant! Your embryo measures about 0.9 inches to 1.2 inches from crown to rump (note to Hopie here...RUMP!!!), or the size of a strawberry. The arms and legs are getting longer, and the fingers might be a little swollen where the touch pads are forming. The head is more erect and the neck is more developed. Your baby now moves its body and limbs, and this movement can be visible during an ultrasound, but you won't be able to feel it yet.

Holy crap! I (almost) have a Kindergartener!!

It's true...Chris is getting old. How old, you ask? So old that we registered him for KINDERGARTEN yesterday! It's truly amazing how quickly the past five years have flown past. It seems like just a couple of years ago that we were taking my sisters down to the bus stop for their first days of school...

Anyway, I don't want to wax nostalgic or anything. Just thought I should share. Here's a picture of Chris at his new school. The reason that he looks less than happy is that he was completely exhausted from a trip to the circus. Enjoy! :-)

Mr. Whizzer!

** - Note to non-parents: The following post will be meaningless, and frankly a little odd to you...get over it!

One of the great joys of parenthood is the seeming endless carousel of dirty and wet diapers that you get to change. Then, one day, it happens...your child decides he wants to wear - wait for it - UNDERPANTS! This day actually came a few weeks ago for Matthew, and we've been sending him to school in underpants ever since. The funny part so far, though, has been that he usually only made it about half-way through the day before he invariably had an accident. Always prepared, we sent him to school with back-up pants and a full complement of pull-ups (think Depends for kids).

A few minor accidents aside, Matthew was cruising along nicely. He made it almost the entire day on Tuesday, but missed the full-day mark by about three minutes - he had an accident just before Holly picked him up. But yesterday (cue herald angels singing, trumpets blaring, etc.) he made it all the way through the day! WHOO HOO!

There's truly nothing more exciting than knowing that the days of Matthew diapers are almost behind us. Granted, we've got another two-plus years ahead of us with the arrival of 3.0, but we can totally handle it!

Anyway, just wanted to congratulate The Moo. Have a great day!

Three-Point-Oh!!

Excited!

Enthusiastic!

Elated!

What do these words have in common? They all perfectly describe how I feel about the following announcement... Holly is pregnant!!!!!

That's right! The imminent arrival of Baby Johnston Three-Point-Oh (as we've come to call it) was confirmed this morning by Holly's doctor, and we couldn't be more excited, enthusiastic, or elated!

We (I say "we," but we all know that I really mean Holly) are about 8 weeks along, which gives us a due date of sometime around the end of September. We had an ultrasound this morning, and everything looks great. There's a heartbeat, and our baby looks something like a little lima bean at this point. In the coming weeks, it'll take on the size of other edible objects (though there are those who would argue the edibility of lima beans!), which I'll do my best to keep up with here. I'll also be sure to keep the blog updated with ultrasound photos when possible. There should be another one here in about four weeks, so keep your eyes peeled.

Holly's doing great, though she's been really tired so far. It's actually kind of like having a third child in the house already...she's constantly hungry, and she goes to bed at 8:30! :-) (Love you, Holly...don't kill me!)

The boys are also very excited, and were the ones who got to break the big news to my parents. We bought them both shirts that said "Big Brother," then let the boys take it from there. They grabbed Mom and Dad, and said, "Look at our new shirts!" There was a brief moment of silence, then Dad said, "Wait a minute...TWO big brothers?!?" What followed can only be described as a melee. Hugs were flying around the room at light speed, and my mom's excitement was probably audible about a mile away!

We took a few pictures of the boys in their new shirts, then sent them to Holly's folks as part of a birthday card that we sent her dad (Happy Birthday, Mike!). Thinking (correctly so, I might add) that they may not catch the subtleties of the "Big Brother" shirts, Holly signed the card, "Love, Holly, Brian, Chris, The Moo (Matthew, for the uninitiated), and Baby 3.0". Since we weren't there in person to witness the excitement, all I can tell you is that the phone call I received after they got the card was filled with the same level of excitement exhibited by my parents...though for some reason I was branded a "little stinker" by my mother-in-law. Presumably, this stemmed from my not having told her sooner.

I've attached a picture from our ultrasound this morning, as well as the tell-tale photo that we used to share the news with the in-laws. Hope you enjoy! :-)

El Nino Karaoke

A few weeks ago, I put up a post about Chris's love for Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers, and their smash hit, "Broken Lady." Today, I'm pleased to say that Matthew has joined the ranks of Karaoke Kids with his intense desire to sing along in SPANISH (!!) with Andrea Bocelli's "Pero Te Extrano" (which roughly translates to "I miss you"). I'm not sure how we got into this particular realm of music with The Moo, but I can say this...for a VERY long time, this song served as our "calm The Moo down" music. If Matthew was out of control, cranky, or otherwise unpleasant in the car, all we had to do was play this song, and he'd calm down almost instantly.

After a few months of self-calming with the song, though, it appears that Matthew thinks he's a blind tenor! He asks for the song by name ("Strano, Daddy! Strano!"), and then proceeds to sing right along with Bocelli. The funniest part, though, is the soaring "PERO TE EXTRANO" that gets both Matthew AND Chris singing at the tops of their lungs. It's absolutely hysterical, and I'll do what I can to post video of it sooner as opposed to later. :-)

The Fight Against Fat-Assery...Redux

** - The following post in no way, shape, or form relates to my children, their cuteness, or their inherent funniness. It's simply a post about me. Selfish? Probably. Enjoy all the same...

Just a quick update on my battle against fat-assery...did you know that a chicken bake from the Costco deli has over NINE HUNDRED calories and FIFTY GRAMS of FAT?!?!? I ate one for lunch today, then came back to the office and Googled the "nutrition information" for it, and I was completely blown away!! I could have had almost TWO BIG MACs for that amount of caloric intake. Seems it's not just Costco's packs of toilet paper that are meant for fat asses! :-)